The First Six Weeks

The first six weeks of a child's life can somewhat be compared to Chinese torture methods. It is a rite of passage, an initiation of sorts, into the world of parenthood. Sleep deprivation reigns supreme during this time, testing one's sanity and patience. Its amazing that marriages and partnerships survive the first six weeks, since it also brings out the grumpiness in even the most jubilant of individuals.

During those first few weeks, the now separate individual continues to depend wholly on the adults around him/her. Every single need that the newborn has is expressed in the form of a wailing cry that I swear is the exact pitch aimed to raise the blood pressure. Sometimes not needing anything results in crying as well, which stumps the overtired adults and creates frustration, exasperation and leaves one not knowing what the hell to do with the wailing mound of cuteness.

The key to surviving the first six weeks is to focus on the mantra of 'this too shall pass'. As much as it sucks while one is in the moment, its important to realize that at the end of it all, amidst the mountainous mounds of laundry, dirty diapers, messy house and discombobulated sleep patterns, you have a perfect little human that adores the shit out of you and your imperfections. One day that little human will smile at you, and that smile will make it all better.

Gabe's Birth As I Know It

A father's perspective...

I can’t say that Gabriel’s birth caused less anxiety than Kai’s. Despite the fact that Carmen and I have been through an at-home childbirth once before, I still had a fear of the unknown. After all, we had never had a second child, at home, with a toddler before. Still, we did have the benefit of experience which regardless of any shortcomings is still invaluable. That prior experience began to help the night before labor began on the 23rd. I wasn’t sure that Carmen would start labor that night/early morning. But she told me enough about the discomfort she was having to make me not surprised when she woke me up at 12am. Lucky for me Carmen was strong enough and kind enough to let me get a couple more hours of sleep before waking me up in earnest so that I could help her labor.

I’d like to jump ahead to what was the most profound part of Gabriel’s birth to me. That part is the end, moments after Gabriel emerged and Carmen held him in her arms. It’s not that the hours of labor between when I woke up and when Gabriel arrived are unimportant, it’s just that those hours were filled with labor, by which I mean work in the simplest sense of the word.

I can’t completely skip that time though. During those hours I used my palms to apply pressure to Carmen’s lower back to relieve the pressure of her contractions. I got her glasses water to drink, small snacks to eat, and pillows on which to rest. I called our midwife and her assistants, answered the door when they arrived, helped them settle-in, and updated them on Carmen’s condition. Later in the morning when the hour of our daughter Kai’s wake-up time approached; I helped move our labor team and scene to our bedroom and prepared Kai’s breakfast. Once she was up, I introduced Kai to the three members of the birth team and showed her that Mommy was having the baby. I set Kai up with her cereal and her favorite episode of Sesame Street and left her to get to know Jaime, the junior member of the birth team. From then on I alternated between attending to Carmen and checking on Kai who watched TV and wandered around the apartment as her mother labored to birth her younger brother in our bedroom.

My experience with Kai’s labor let me know that those hours of tasks and worry would probably pass by quickly. And they did. During periods of intense emotion or excitement our perception of time often stretches or compresses. Mercifully for me, during the birth of both my children, time compressed and the hours leapt forward anytime I took notice of a clock.

So it was after 9 hours of labor; 9 hours of work, nervousness, and excitement that I found myself kneeling on my bed next to Carmen, the love of my life, as she held our newborn son. I had been the first person to touch Gabriel’s head as he peeked from Carmen’s womb but that was not the most profound moment of the morning for me. Much afraid of wielding a sharp object anywhere near Gabriel or Carmen; I cut their umbilical cord and rendered them individuals but that wasn’t the transcendent moment I referred to before either.

The moment I remember best, as different than any other that occurred that day, came when Carmen sat down and held Gabriel for the first time. It was seconds after he was born and he was still connected to her by their cord. The moment was made remarkable not by a sight or a smell or a touch, but by a sound. The sound came from Carmen as she shimmered with sweat and sat amid the fluids that had sustained Gabriel’s life within her. As me and the ladies of the birth team looked on, the sound, Carmen’s cry, began. Her cry was low and weary, heavy with relief and exhaustion, but simultaneously soothing and delicate. It was a comforting hymn of love and welcome to our son who wriggled in her arms and squeaked out his own petulant cry of announcement.

For the first and only time that morning I felt uncomfortable to be in the room with Carmen. Despite the fact that she was barely covered with a sheet and I was fully clothed, it was me that felt a shame akin to being nude in front of strange eyes. Instinctively, she held our newborn son in her hands and filled the room with this song of eminent grace. While all I could to was keep my head down and let it pass above and around me unmarred.

Once Carmen’s song ebbed, we continued with the business of bringing Gabriel into the world. Again it’s not that what followed was insignificant; it’s just that there was still a lot of work to do. Carmen needed to pass the afterbirth and Gabriel needed cleaning and care. Kai needed attention as well and there were more mundane things to do like take pictures and get breakfast for the adults in the house. The succinct conclusion is that Carmen did amazing work and Gabriel was born healthy and strong. Undoubtedly, as days pass into years I will forget details of the day my son Gabriel was born. What I will never forget though is the sound and the feeling it stirred in me; as my love Carmen held our son in her arms for the first time. Of that I am certain and forever grateful.

Free At Target

On Sunday, we took a quick visit over to Target and picked up some free items. In last week's coupons, there was one for $1 off any size and type of Rayovac batteries. Turns out Target has them in their dollar section this week :) The Johnson's Buddies soap was 97 cents, and there are plenty of coupons floating around for a buck off any J&J product. We picked up some other household items as well, but everything pictured was totally and completely free.

Sentimental Mommy Moment

We took Kai to see the orchestra yesterday. They were performing free at our local library. We found out about the show just that morning, and quickly decided we were going, since Kai not only enjoys live music, but she really, really loves the violin. So off to the library we went.

It was a packed house, but we got there early enough to snag some great seats in the auditorium. Kai was completely enthralled by the performance. It lasted a full hour, just long enough, since it was a family event. When the show was over, we waited for the crowd to disperse before starting off. As we waited, the violinist came back out with the smallest violin I'd ever seen. I suggested we walk in her direction so that Kai can take a look at it. What happened next was truly a priceless moment.

We chatted with the violinist and introduced both ourselves and Kai to her. Kenneth asked her if it would be possible for Kai to hold the violin. She said yes. Never before had I seen such brightness in Kai's eyes. Surely she'd gotten super excited about things in the past, but this...this was different. She listened and followed the violinist's instructions and was able to play the violin. This got other people's attention, and soon there was a small handful of kids taking turns with the violin. Kai waited silently and patiently on the side, watching intently. When all the kids had a turn, Kenneth asked the violinist if it were possible for Kai to get another turn. Seeing how into it she was, the violinist said yes. Kai played several notes and was shown how to move her fingers along the strings. While Kenneth chatted with the violinist on where she got such a tiny instrument, Kai happily held the violin. Me, I stood across from them, taking the whole scene in and beaming.

We brought the camera with us, but alas, I'd taken the memory card out of the damn thing. The only pictures we have of the moment are on hubby's camera phone. While the pictures are certainly not great, they capture the wonderful moment that is permanently etched in my mind. Kai has been talking about playing the violin nonstop. It was the first thing she wanted to talk about this morning right after she told me hello.

Week Six

And in a blink of an eye, it all passes you by...

Gabe is officially no longer a newborn. Having passed the first six weeks of life, he is now an infant. He's starting to develop the oh so cute baby chub that will likely remain with him till toddler-hood comes along. He's huge compared to when he was first born, and his features are certainly looking more refined. I'm happy to brag that he looks just like me :) He's starting to gain some head control, and can hold himself up for the briefest of moments during tummy time.

Breastfeeding continues to go very well, though its certainly not easy. Thankfully, Gabe has had a few 3-4 hour gaps between feedings at night, so I've enjoyed some extra hours of sleep here and there. While we are still very far from sleeping through the night, we've certainly come a long, long way.

Inspired by a cool mommy pal, I have been scheduling some 'me' time first thing in the morning at least twice a week (the goal is to ultimately do it every day). With Gabe's feedings slowly settling into a pattern, I have been feeding him at 5:45am, putting him back down, then starting my day while the household continues to sleep. On the days I get up early, I am able to get the coffee going without Sesame Street playing in the background and take a full 20-minute shower without interruption. I have time to do my hair, make-up and pick out clothes that match rather than wearing whatever I manage to throw on while running out the door. Truly, the most glorious part of my early morning wake-up is that after all that, I still have about a half hour to truly enjoy the hell out of my coffee, have breakfast and check e-mail. I get to do this alone, in silence and without rush. Though I am not a morning person, sacrificing an extra hour or two of sleep is totally worth it.

The Cereal Stash

Please excuse me, for I am really feeling myself right now for pulling this off. You see, today hubby and I schlepped the kids around Brooklyn for our bi-weekly grocery shopping. It was a rather ambitious effort that started at 10am and involved multiple stops, including a stop at home to drop stuff off and eat lunch. After dosing up on caffeine and more caffeine, we were off on our way on what is, to-date the most awesome shopping trip evah!

Firstly, I managed to get 2 week's worth of food for our entire family, including snacks and meats, for just under $100 (details of that will be in a separate entry). But that's not the good part...

Behold! Our stash of breakfast cereal!
2 Frosted Mini Wheats 24oz @ $2.78 each
2 Kashi Go Lean Crunch @ $1.25 each
5 Honey Bunches of Oats @ $2.25 each

My CVS Haul

4 Honey Bunches of Oats
3 Ricola Lozenges
Nyquil Sinus 12 ct.
Robitussin CCF
Vicks Vaporub
2 Halloween stampers (not pictured)



Total before coupons and discounts: $46.06
I paid $23.12 with tax and got back 10 ECBs

Happy Halloween!

Its supermommy and her sidekick, Gabey baby!

"Sleep"

The average adult needs 6-8 hours of consecutive sleep per night. Supposedly, the average newborn sleeps 16 hours or more per day. Someone should send a memo to Gabriel about that.

Newborns and infants do sleep a whole lot, but it happens in 2-3 hour increments, separated by feedings, which could take anywhere from 20 to 40 minutes. Throw in a diaper change and you've automatically added another 10 to 15 minutes to the process, thereby taking time away from the sleep time. Most infants under the age of six months are prone to blow-outs, also known as explosive poop. Sometimes its so bad that the child not only needs a complete wardrobe change, but he/she needs a bath as well, which furthermore cuts into the sleep time. At the end of it all, you might be looking at an hour or so of down-time before the child needs to be fed again. This is particularly true in breastfed babies, who digest the milk much more rapidly and therefore tend to feed more frequently. In between all this activity, one is supposed to do this thing called "sleep".

A regular non-parental adult goes to bed when they're tired and that's the end of it. Parents, especially parents of a newborn or infant, function on a whole different wavelength. In order to obtain this elusive "sleep", parents etch out whatever time they can to catch a quick snooze. Gone are the days of consecutive hours of rest. Parents of a new baby have reason to celebrate on the rare occasion that they get three consecutive hours of uninterrupted sleep.

But its for chumps I tell ya! Sleep deprivation makes life interesting. How else would I be hip to the new Snugli styles if I wasn't up at ungodly hours tending to a newborn? Those paid advertisements surely can't watch themselves. And what about those endless hours of Maury on the DVR? How will I ever know if dude was the kid's father?

I'm so fucking tired, I've moved past the need for this thing called "sleep".

One Month

Its amazing how quickly time passes by. Gabriel is a month old already and at his most recent well-baby appointment, he weighed in at 8 pounds, 7 ounces. Hip hip hooray for mommy's milk!

Things around here are still kind of wacky as we adjust to caring for two children. Slowly but surely, some semblance of normalcy is returning to our lives. I've started getting out and about more alone with the two kids. In his short life, Gabe has visited multiple playgrounds, gone on nature walks, visited the library, zoo and garden. Of course, he has no idea he's been to these places, but soon enough he'll be interacting more with the world around him. Already he's starting to have longer awake-time, where oftentimes Kai sings to him or reads him a book. She's such a great big sister, and Gabe seems to truly adore her. I look forward to seeing them interact more in the near future.